1. Macgyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris can kill him and take it.
  2. There are no disabled people in the world. Only those people who have felt the wrath of Chuck Norris.
  3. Chuck Norris has recently changed his middle name to "Fucking."
  4. When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.
  5. Chuck Norris won 'Jumanji' without ever saying the word. He simply beat the living shit out of everything that was thrown at him, and the game forfeited.
  6. There are two kinds of people in this world: people who suck, and Chuck Norris.
  7. In the movie "Back to the Future" they used Chuck Norris' Delorean to go back into time and into the future. When they gave it back to him with a scratch on it he was angry and roundhouse kicked Michael J. Fox, which years later was the cause of his Parkinson's disease.
  8. Chuck Norris always has sex on the first date. Always. The only time he didn't was in 1941, otherwise known as the beginning of the Holocaust.
  9. Chuck Norris can enter up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, B, A, to win 100 lives.
  10. Crop circles are Chuck Norris's way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the fuck down.
  11. When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.
  12. Chuck Norris once walked down the street with a massive erection. There were no survivors.
  13. In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.
  14. Chuck Norris has two speeds: walk and kill.
  15. Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
  16. Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
  17. It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
  18. Chuck Norris is not lactose intolerant, he just refuses to put up with lactose's shit.
  19. Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
  20. When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
  21. Chuck Norris was a hidden playable character on Mortal Kombat 2 on the Sega Genesis.
  22. Chuck Norris is known for his modesty but readily admits that he is the 8th wonder of the natural world
  23. Chuck Norris goes to the toilet once a month, if he needs to or not.
  24. Chuck Norris burned down an entire forest when he was experimenting with water.
  25. There are in fact 31 letters of the English Alphabet however only Chuck Norris knows what the extra 5 letters are.
  26. Occasionally Chuck Norris will call up the Power Rangers just to say hi.
  27. Chuck Norris has no concept of time, if you go to his house you won't find a single clock. When you ask to leave because it's getting late he stares at you blankly until you sit back down.
  28. Chuck Norris can believe it's not butter.
  29. Chuck Norris once ate a banana without having to peel it.
  30. Every piece of furniture in Chuck Norris' house is a Total Gym